Email: Kid’s dis-obedient despite always being critical. What to do? (HK)
When it comes to disciplining little kids approaches using criticism, shame, guilt aren’t so effective, advisable. Negatively impact emotional well-being (self-worth, self-esteem, self-love). A natural consequence is emotional disconnect. Making mistakes is an intrinsic, natural part of being human, nothing unhealthy at all.
The way we speak to little kids becomes their inner voice. Life-long patterns of being a harsh self-critic are at risk. Hurts their fragile sensitivity, vulnerability. Basis of a strong parent-child bond is non-judgemental love, compassion, acceptance, security, sharing, empathy, guidance.
Worth going through a quick mental checklist – is severity of response necessary? Do I want kid to feel responsible for actions or resentful? How can I teach kid life-long lessons without fears, triggers? How can I be a role model? Which real need is kid communicating through difficult behaviours? How can I gently partner to help fix mistakes, problem solve for future? Ask kid what should we do differently next time? Can we think of a better way to tackle challenges together? I use a creative story-telling approach with lessons guessed by the kid to take accountability, learning.
Each time we criticise little kids they don’t stop loving us, they just stop loving themselves…