Re-posting top 2018 posts.
9:30 am: Premier Banking Customer Hotline (assured reaction time, 2 minutes)
Minute 1: Good morning, please wait you’re in queue.
Wait 2 minutes.
Minute 3: Your time is important, we’re sorry for wait, kindly stay on line.
Wait 3 minutes, now (this wasn’t the promise?!)
Minute 6: Oh dear! apologies, it’s taking too long, One of our agents will eventually wake up, pick up this bloody call.
Wait 3 minutes, still no news (what’s going on, am I expecting too much?)
Minute 9: Still waiting? Hope you realise if this call was a priority, we would have answered by now, so please just hang up (she’s testing our patience!)
Wait 2 more minutes (curious, still tolerant)
Minute 11: WTF, crazy, can’t you just get off comfy couch, walk into nearest branch? We offer support anytime, anywhere! Hopeful for good service, nothing better to do?!
Wait 4 minutes, listening to Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No 2, calming (a favourite).
Min 15: OMG, can’t believe you’re so thick-skinned, stubborn. What are you waiting for? Anyways, we’re smart enough for creative excuses, terminate call.
We realise you’ve been waiting too long, please press 1 to leave a message, press 2 for quick callback. Have a good day! (Ha ha believe, we won’t call back, better things to life than serving our valued customers).
BTW, remember we’re just robots! Run on terribly twisted algorithms, crazily complex systems. Can’t feel your pain!
Me, finally: Guys, please don’t worry, time is up! Sorry, you’re about to lose a sassy, premier customer.
9:45 am: Relationship Manager’s frantic call, exactly 2 minutes after email, politely requesting closure of all accounts.
Proactive, personal support, at it’s very best. Love me like you do! 😉🎼🎼🎼
Good old days of waiting in physical queue’s was efficient, satisfying! At least we had clear visibility, could feel progress, get some desired results! Fair-play at it’s best.
