When I first returned home to India after a year in the UK, found it quite an unfamiliar place. The concept of ‘being back home’ felt far stranger. “It’s a funny thing about coming home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. Realise what’s changed, is you!”
Didn’t really ‘fit’ anymore. Had this flame, fire in me. Yearned for exotic places, interact with new cultures, experience unfamiliar traditions, find my own sense of belonging, perspectives, identity, individuality. Find my unique vibrational signature.
Hard to adjust to lazy, luxurious, stagnant pace of life, appetisers big enough to feed a family, cars the size of tanks, thousands of things to do. No personal space, no fulfilment, no spark, holy shit!
At first home was fun, exciting. Re-visited old haunts, favourite parks, restaurants, caught up with family, friends. As excitement wore off, realised home had remained frozen during my time away. Friends had the same jobs, going to the same bars, doing the same things, same thought processes, ways of being.
After a year of mind-blowing adventures, I was back to where I started. Friends didn’t understand the new me, didn’t want to hear my aspirations, dreams. Didn’t get why I felt so restless, uncomfortable. Yes, wanted to meet friends, family but my goals, curiosity, evolution, desires didn’t resonate. Felt lonely in a crowd, old life felt de-motivating.
Home was wonderful, comfortable but something big amiss. In some ways no longer home, seeking new horizons that connected with inner self. Felt frozen while away, only to defrost on return. Simply couldn’t understand the environment, totally outgrown.
Wanted fresh, creative challenges but other’s expected same easy answers, bored. A weird, unfamiliar feeling beyond words, like locked in a box. Uninspiring, unambitious.
My true self was always somewhere else – seeking new adventures, sailing on seas, trekking mountains, soaking in rainforests, experiencing fresh horizons!
Home for me is unbounded creativity, playfulness, balance, passion, compassion, belief, freedom of expression – my life force, purpose!