Love me like you do….


9:30 am: Premier Banking Customer Hotline (assured reaction time, 2 minutes)

Minute 1: Good morning, please wait you’re in queue…..

Wait 2 minutes…..

Min 3: Your time is important to us, we’re sorry for the wait, kindly stay on the line..

Wait 3 minutes, now…..(this wasn’t the promise…!)

Minute 6: Oh dear! apologies, it’s taking too long, one of our agents will eventually wake up and pick up this bloody call….

Wait 3 minutes, still no news…..(what’s going on, am I expecting too much….?)

Minute 9: Still waiting….? Hope you realise if this call was a priority for us, we would have answered by now, so please hang up….(she’s testing our patience…!)

Wait 2 more minutes (curious and still tolerant….)

Minute 11: WTF, this is crazy, can’t you just get off your comfy couch, walk into your nearest branch? We offer support anytime, anywhere…! Still hopeful for a service, nothing better to do…?!…..

Wait 4 minutes, listening to Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No 2…calming (a favourite)…..

Min 15: OMG, we can’t believe, what are you waiting for….?….we’ll find a creative excuse to terminate this call…..

We realise you’ve been waiting too long, please press 1 to leave a message, for a quick callback…..have a good day….! (Ha ha, believe us, we won’t call back, better things to life than serving our valued customers….)

BTW, please remember we’re just robots, running on twisted algorithms and crazily complex systems, so can’t feel your pain…..!

Me, finally: Guys, please don’t worry at all, your time is up…! Sorry, you are about to lose a beautiful, sassy, premier customer…!

9:45 am: Relationship Manager’s frantic call, exactly 2 minutes after my email, politely requesting closure of all accounts…..

Proactive and personal support, at its very best… me like you do….! 😉🎼🎼🎼

The good old days of waiting in physical queue’s was much more efficient and satisfying….! As a minimum, we had clear visibility, could feel the progress and get some desired results….! Fair-play at it’s best…..!

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